


put that thing back where it came from, or so help me

by unlshthfrckngbts



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Allergies, Alternate Universe - College/University, Cats, Gen, Living Together, Multi, Nonbinary Akaashi Keiji, Nonbinary Character, mentions of bokuto's criminal against humanity food habits, the title is garbage but that's bc it's labeled "like nya.doc" on my computer and i refuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-14 18:39:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14142135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unlshthfrckngbts/pseuds/unlshthfrckngbts
Summary: Keiji comes home to find Koutarou and Tetsurou have adopted a cat...and they realize they never told them they're allergic.





	put that thing back where it came from, or so help me

**Author's Note:**

> me: trying to write serious bkakkr  
> my brain: hey instead what if bokuto and kuroo got a cat and akaashi felt the appropriate time to tell them they're allergic is when they come home to find them dressing the cat up on the kitchen counter  
> me: sold  
> my brain: also write it in one sitting and accidentally make it 3k
> 
> my akaashi is nb and uses they/them, just fyi!

Keiji can feel their eyelids threatening to droop closed as they drag theirself up the stairs, mentally cursing the landlord for dawdling about getting the elevator fixed. They’d had a long and not particularly terrific day at their internship and just wanted to  _ lay down _ and  _ relax _ , and hauling their exhausted body up four flights of stairs after the ten block walk from the train station was  _ hell _ . They’d tried calling Tetsurou, hoping he would be able to pick them up, but he hadn’t answered, and today was Thursday, which meant Koutarou would be staying late at practice (and, even if he hadn’t been busy, Keiji probably would’ve rather opted to walk because although they love Koutarou very much, the boy does not have the greatest track record with motor vehicles).

Regardless of their boyfriends’ lack of help in their current situation, Keiji can’t help but smile as they trudge up the final staircase. Because it was Thursday, it also meant that it was the last day of their work week, as interns at their firm were given Fridays off. Koutarou would be at the gym later than usual, but Tetsurou would be finishing dinner as Keiji got home, and they’d eat their meal before wrapping up on the couch to binge shitty medical dramas until Kou got home. He was never bothered that they ate without him, insisting they had their time alone. He’d then worm his way onto the sofa with them and they would all watch a movie together, decompressing after the long day before heading to bed. It was their Thursday routine, and it was  _ exactly _ what Keiji needed today.

By the time they reach their floor, Keiji barely feels like they have the energy to push open the heavy door and walk all the way down the hall. As they near their apartment, they jingle their keys in their coat pocket and prepare an advance apology for if they fall asleep on Tetsurou during tonight’s season finale of...whatever the title of the drama they watch is. They can never remember to begin with, but their brain is at an even further disadvantage finding words through their exhaustion.

When they reach the door with the ugly bronze  _ 415 _ on the ugly off white painted wood, Keiji sighs in relief. The key twists in the lock and clicks, and Keiji opens the door to—

“—would look better on her, Tetsu.”

At the sound of the door opening, Tetsurou and Koutarou both turn around, and Keiji stands in the doorway in shock, not because both of their boyfriends are home and very much available to have come picked them up from the station, but because of what they’re holding. Koutarou has one hand on his hip and a small, yellow dress held out in the other, and Tetsurou stands over the small breakfast island in their kitchen with an orange tabby cat...wearing a red dress.

Keiji suddenly feels both very awake and very dead at the same time.

“Keiji!” Koutarou exclaims, eyes lighting up at his partner’s arrival. Then, “Tell Tetsurou that yellow would look so much better on her! The red is too harsh against her fur color!”

Tetsurou scoffs. “Red is  _ classic _ , Kou. It’s a statement color—we can’t have her looking like some ordinary slob in yellow.” He looks to his partner, still standing frozen and silent. “Tell him, Keiji.”

“Why is there a cat?” they ask.

Koutarou is nearly bouncing with excitement. “We adopted her! The shelter made a Facebook post that they were waiving all fees to make room for more animals and Tetsu’s always wanted a cat, so I skipped practice today so we could go look! And we found her and couldn’t leave without her!”

“We wanted to surprise you,” Tetsurou adds, hoisting the cat fully into his arms. She lets out a  _ mew _ and rubs her face against his cheek.

Keiji braces theirself against the door, dropping their bag to the floor and pinching the bridge of their nose. Tetsu looks absolutely smitten, and Kou is practically glowing. This is  _ not _ what they needed today. They look to both their boyfriends before they speak in as even a voice they can manage. “Did I never tell you I’m allergic to cats?”

Both boys’ faces drop almost immediately, and Keiji feels terrible for being the cause of it. Had they really not told them? They know they’d all discussed possible food allergies and aversions upon moving in, but Keiji supposes the subject of  _ other _ allergies hadn’t come up, and despite their boyfriends’ recklessness in high school, Koutarou and Tetsurou had definitely matured (the tiniest bit, but still notable) since starting college. Keiji had apparently let go of the possibility they would make huge decisions without them, and somehow the fact they were allergic to cats had been forgotten as unimportant information.

“Keiji—” Tetsurou starts.

“Oh no!” Koutarou wails. “Why didn’t you tell us? What’re we gonna do, we can’t get rid of her! We’d be, like, the absolute  _ worst _ if we rescued her from that shelter just to take her back! But—”

Keiji holds up a hand and he quiets. They shake their head apologetically. “I’m sorry, I guess I forgot to mention it. I didn’t think it’d be relevant.” Then they pause for a moment, thinking. “Does this complex even  _ allow _ animals?”

Tetsurou flashes a devious smile, and Keiji sighs, dragging theirself to the living area to fall to the couch. They’d just wanted to come home, eat some stew or whatever Tetsurou had been planning for dinner, and sleep, but that clearly wasn’t going to happen now.

“What are we gonna do?” Koutarou repeats, coming to sit on the couch as well but giving Keiji a wide berth. It almost hurts for a second before they realize he’s probably doing it because he’s been handling the cat, and Keiji feels their chest twist.

“It’s not severe,” they say slowly. “I’ve been around cats before and it’s not like my entire face is going to swell up, it’s usually just watery eyes and itching.  _ Maybe _ some minor hives if it’s really bad, but it...I should be able to manage with allergy meds. And Kou, you don’t have to hide away on the other end of the couch, you’re not going to kill me.”

Koutarou makes an excited noise and tackles them, knocking the air from their chest. He nuzzles into their neck and starts babbling happily, and Keiji looks over his head to Tetsurou. The tall boy is still standing in the kitchen holding the cat, his mouth pressed into a thin line. Keiji gently nudges Koutarou so they can stand, and they move towards the kitchen.

“I’m really sorry,” Tetsurou says, absentmindedly petting the cat and not quite meeting Keiji’s eyes. “We didn’t even consider.”

“Don’t be,” they say firmly, sizing up the cat in their boyfriend’s arms. It has a small patch of white on its muzzle and chest, and its eyes sparkle gold. “It’s my fault for not mentioning it. If I’m upset about anything, it’s that I wasn’t there to help choose which cat.”

Koutarou gasps, coming up behind them. “There was this other one who was really cute, you probably would’ve loved him, Keiji. He had the  _ softest _ fur, but Tetsu said you’d probably hate if us boys outnumbered you that bad.”

Keiji tries to hide their blush and gives Tetsurou, still coddling the now purring tabby, a sly look. “Yeah, sure, I bet he just said that to deter you from choosing any other cat besides that one.”

Tetsurou huffs in mock offense and hides his smile in the cat’s scruff. Koutarou gasps again, points an accusing finger at his boyfriend, and says, “You’re probably right! He was already holding her when we saw the other one!”

“Oh come on! You even said so yourself when we were there, she was the one.”

“Anyways,” Keiji says. Their exhaustion is settling in again. “Did you pick up cat food and supplies too, or did you just focus on  _ awful _ dresses?”

“We’re  _ very _ responsible, Keiji,” Tetsurou says, and Keiji rolls their eyes. “We got food and litter and all while we were at the pet store. The  _ dresses _ were on sale, and Kou wanted to dress up our new little princess for her homecoming.”

“Yeah, but not in red,” the shorter boy grumbles. “The yellow one has a cuter design anyways, it has little white flowers on it.”

Keiji moves to open a cupboard and rummage through it, searching for something to do for dinner since Tetsurou had  _ clearly _ been preoccupied. “I’ll settle this once and for all,” they declare, pulling out a nearly empty box of pasta with disappointment. They hold it out in the direction of the cat, the measly remaining noodles rattling in the bottom of the cardboard. “A black dress would’ve been classier. And we’re ordering pizza because I’m hungry as fuck after walking home since you two were  _ so busy _ .”

“Black is so boring though,” Koutarou whines, already pulling out his phone to dial the pizza delivery number. “She’s not going to a funeral.”

When the pizza place picks up on the other end of the line, Koutarou moves into the other room to place their order. Keiji replaces the sad pasta and fills a cup with water, watching Tetsurou as they drink. He’s been pretty quiet this whole time, and Keiji can see in his eyes that he wants to say something, but he doesn’t.

“We can keep her, you know,” they say finally. “I’m not going to die, I’ll just have to call the pharmacy and order some medication. It’s not the end of the world.”

He shrugs, finally setting the damn cat down on the floor. Keiji watches as she twines herself between his legs before scampering off into the other room, then looks up when Tetsurou runs a hand through his unruly hair. They’ve known him long enough to know it’s one of his nervous tics. “I just feel bad, you know? I never would’ve done it if I’d known you’d be in danger.”

Keiji narrows their eyes at that, and their boyfriend’s trademark grin returns. “I am not ‘ _ in danger _ .’” They approach him and reach up to grab his jaw before pulling him down for a quick kiss. “So stop worrying about it. Just wash your hands.”

“Guys!” Koutarou calls. “C’mere! Hurry!”

Keiji gives Tetsurou one last look until he ducks his head and raises his hands in defeat. When the two enter the living room, they find Koutarou, sitting on the couch with the TV remote in his hand and the cat curled up in his lap. His expression looks like he’s just been blessed by some god, golden eyes wide in amazement.

“She’s so warm,” he whispers.

Keiji can’t help but smile. It’s adorable, really. They sit next to Koutarou on the couch and finally reach out a hand to gently pet the cat’s head. She raises it at the sudden touch and looks at them, and yeah, okay, she is really cute, even if she’s still wearing that godawful dress.

A realization comes to them then. “Did you guys name her?”

“We were kinda waiting for you,” Tetsurou says, coming to sit on Koutarou’s other side.

“Yeah! Tetsu was thinking Hina, but we wanted your input.”

“Hina? Like ‘light?’” Keiji squints. “Because she’s orange?”

“Listen,” Tetsurou laughs, “if you don’t have any other suggestions, you can kindly shut the fuck up.”

“I think it’s cute,” Keiji says. “What I don’t think is cute, however, is that dress, so please take it off of her.”

“Do it yourself,” he taunts. This is soon followed with, “Wait, no, Keiji, I was  _ kidding _ —”

Keiji huffs, having pulled the cat off of Koutarou’s lap and now attempting to wrangle her out of the dress. She lets out a string of protesting meows, and wide eyes, both gold and brown, watch their hands manage to free her from the fabric. Keiji moves to return her to the lap of one of their boyfriends, but before they can scoop her up, she daintily folds her paws beneath herself and settles in their lap instead.

“Keiji, you’re gonna  _ die _ ,” Koutarou breathes.

“I am not going to die!” they protest for what feels like the millionth time and slamming their head back against the sofa. They’re touched that their boyfriends care so much about their health, honestly, but staring up at the ceiling, they mostly just wish they’d believe them when they said they would be  _ fine _ . They really do feel bad about not mentioning their allergies before now, but maybe it’d serve as a lesson now to not be so  _ impulsive _ .

It’s then that there’s a knock on the door, and Tetsurou scrambles to find his wallet and answer it. While he fumbles with the cash and makes pleasant small talk with the delivery person, Koutarou hums softly and wrings his hands in the hem of Keiji’s shirt. “Hey, Keij, are you mad at us?”

Keiji glances over wearily to see their boyfriend looking pretty deflated. They grasp one of his hands and give it a comforting squeeze. “No. I’m not mad. I just had a really long day and wasn’t expecting any surprises tonight,” they sigh as Tetsurou returns and places two pizza boxes on the coffee table. “But if you really feel bad, you can go pick up my allergy meds from the pharmacy for me tomorrow.”

“Done!” Koutarou agrees, successfully returned to his cheerful demeanor. “Here, I’ll take Hina so you can go wash your hands and then we can dig in to this pizza!”

“Yeah, about that,” Tetsurou says, looking down in dismay at the box he’s opened. “Kou, did you order  _ pineapple _ on this pizza?”

“Uh  _ yeah _ . It’s good! You guys never let me get it whenever you order, and since I ordered this time, I decided I deserved it.”

“And I can’t believe  _ I _ had to pay for such an abomination.” The betrayal in the darker haired boy’s voice is almost real. “Can’t believe you’d use me like that, babe.”

“Oh shut up!” Koutarou laughs, pulling Hina off of Keiji’s lap and plopping her down on the rug. “You guys’ve probably never even had it before, so don’t knock it ‘til you try it!”

Keiji raises a hand. “Actually, I have.” They stand and brush stray fur off their pants, making sure to make direct eye contact with their owlish boyfriend before they continue. He looks up at them with absolute certainty he’ll be supported in this argument. Keiji delivers the final blow, “It was disgusting.”

“Hah! Nice kill!” Tetsurou crows, swooping in to kiss his partner’s head in pride before they can duck out into the kitchen. “Face it, Kou: you just can’t win when it comes to food. I mean, you eat KitKats like a fucking  _ animal _ —”

“It’s more efficient! Not everybody has time to break them apart, and who wants to eat just one piece at a time? They’re long and skinny and weird! If you bite into the whole thing, you get more flavor!”

“I’m not sure that’s how it works, but you seem to like eating long, skinny things pretty often.”

“I can’t tell if that was a jab at me or not, but I don’t appreciate it either way with the implication you’re also calling my dick ‘weird,’” Keiji calls from the other room over the sound of the tap.

“Babe, you should know by now that I harbor absolutely no ill feelings towards your dick.” Tetsurou turns back to Koutarou, who’s now eating a slice of his controversial pizza. “Anyways, I’ve never tried it myself, but if Keiji has and they said it’s gross, then I trust them. Their word is law.”

“They also agreed your red dress was ugly,” he refutes around a mouthful. “So that means it really  _ is _ ugly then.”

“I also agreed the yellow dress wasn’t the best either,” Keiji reminds the two, returning with meticulously scrubbed hands and stepping over where Hina has sprawled out on the floor to reach the coffee table. They lift the lid of the other pizza box and give Koutarou a questioning look. “Plain cheese? Really? Are you that bitter about your gross pineapple pizza that you decided we didn’t deserve our sausage pizza?”

Koutarou grins. “Well, I figured since I skipped practice today, you guys could have some sausage later instead. Didn’t wanna overload ya with too much and put your cholesterol at risk.”

Tetsurou barks his hyena laugh and drops to the couch, pizza slice in one hand and ruffling his boyfriend’s hair with his other. Keiji sighs and does the same, again reminded how exhausted they are, especially after the recent developments of the past hour. They can’t seem to mind though—not when Tetsurou clicks the television on and briefs Koutarou on the essential information to know about the shitty medical drama they watch when he’s gone, and not when Koutarou gasps during the finale episode at a poorly led up to plot twist that Tetsurou and Keiji had both been expecting from the beginning. They can’t even be bothered when Hina weasels up onto the couch and wedges herself between where they’d been leaning against Tetsurou, because it prompts the boy to coo how they were all “cuddling like a true family” now.

  
  


The next morning, Tetsurou wakes to a large hand gently shaking his shoulder.

“Kou,” he grumbles from between his head’s pillow sandwich, “knock it off. My 9AM got cancelled today, and I’m going to take  _ every advantage _ of it—”

“Tetsu,” comes the hushed whisper. “C’mon, I’m running to get Keiji’s meds, but you gotta look at this before I go.”

Tetsurou begrudgingly lifts his head to squint at his boyfriend against the light filtering through the blinds, not missing the alarm clock’s glaring 7:43AM. Koutarou is pointing, his face open in a soft smile. He follows his finger, turning to look back at their bed.

Keiji is asleep still, black hair curling against the pillow and eyelashes casting shadows down their cheeks. What’s more beautiful, though, is that Hina is curled up square in the middle of their chest, also fast asleep, and Keiji has a hand resting loosely on her back.

“They’ve been like that since I woke up,” Koutarou says quietly. “She’s already taken to them. I don’t think I’ve seen anything cuter since that owl cafe we went to last semester.”

Tetsurou smiles fondly, nodding his agreement. Then, “Shit, they’re gonna die. Hurry and go pick up their meds from the pharmacy.”

**Author's Note:**

> hmu on [tumblr](http://unleashthefrickingbats.tumblr.com/) ! <3


End file.
